I feel for you Penny. My husband broke his ankle badly a couple of years ago and the level of disruption it caused was a huge shock. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for you with your caring responsibilities plus the juggle of self-employment. Wishing you a speedy recovery. (And so excited to see your new book!)
I can't tell you how much I appreciated this post Penny, and your way of sharing what's tough when so many of us would just retreat with overwhelm. It's a profound generosity. I am glad you have so much love intertwined with so many demands.
Aw Penny, this is tough. I’m 21 years into this working/caring/parenting/self-care juggle, and I feel your pain. I broke my wrist mid-pandemic, when care support was already significantly depleted and I thought I’d never cope. But we did somehow. And it must be so much harder for you, when your mobility is impacted.
I’m also 3 years into a debate with our health funders, trying to impress on them that they need an emergency plan, should anything happen to me, quoting Care Act and all, but to no avail. You and others here articulate these issues so well.
Thinking of you and praying for grace sufficient for the season. x
Sending love to you and yours. You are doing great even if it might not feel that way. Even if great is just good and good means audiobooks and naps. Big hugs.
Just wanted to send you love. How incredibly difficult for you.
“It’s already so hard not to get lost amongst my responsibilities that it can feel utterly terrifying to loose what little headspace and time I have carved out for myself.”
I empathise with this so so much ♥️
I am new to substack and only discovered your podcast a few weeks ago but it is something I look forward to so much in my own little moments of headspace and time, so thank you so much for that. Wishing you a rapid and straightforward recovery.
I am so sorry you are having such a tough time and I hope your ankle recovers quickly. Thank you for sharing this beautifully honest account. As an unpaid mama carer trying to write, your post really resonates. People just don't understand that you can't simply rest when you have a child with additional needs, especially not autism. Change of routine is a massive anxiety trigger of course. Hope things get easier and keep up the good fight x
The routine change is the worst! Not being able to drive is a big one. Our car is sitting out the front unused and he can see it and doesn’t understand why I can’t just get in it and drive 😣
It is so hard. I feel for you. A few years ago I got a virus and developed an allergy to scent. The problem was my daughter wore a lot of perfume each day, especially since being bullied at school and she was so angry with me. It was as though I had done it deliberately 😣
Wrapping you in a virtual hug, Penny. You’re amazing. I really relate to this and you’re not alone in your feelings. Tender was the most incredible thing I’ve ever read, I’ve never felt so seen and understood. Thank you for that gift. Hoping for a super speedy recovery for you 💛
Your situation is one I hope I never have to deal with - as unpaid carer for 2 autistic children, a blind husband, a
Visually impaired Dad and Mum with Alzheimer’s, I live in dread that something beyond my existing health conditions will happen that causes all the juggling balls to come crashing down.
I’m glad you’re keeping time for yourself to heal but totally appreciate how hard it is not to be able to do the usual routines - for yourself and your children. I wish you a speedy recovery and a return to your normal family routine as soon as possible!
Catherine that’s so much on you! I really hope there are other people around you to step in, in an emergency. Both the a&e doctor and the follow up consultant stressed how much I needed to elevate my foot and that I needed to call my son’s social worker to get support. Social services didn’t really care and begrudgingly offered me a few extra hours of direct payments a week for 6 weeks. So unhelpful.
Oh I relate to a lot of this - not a broken bone but a very badly damaged ankle when I fell down a couple of stairs at home last year (and a whole day waiting on the sofa for my husband to get home from a long cycling trip so he could take me to hospital..). And then in January, being knocked over from behind on an ice skating rink and nearly passing out after my head bounced off the rink... just me and my 16 year old autistic daughter who can't speak to any strangers there and I had no idea what would happen if I did faint or they carted me off to hospital. I drove home when I probably shouldn't have. Because, as you say, we just have to get on with it. I'm hoping your recovery is quick because I really do understand how much that matters, and I think you're amazing for having been able to carry on with any work at all! x
So so terrifying to be alone with our kids when we get hurt. My son can’t/wont speak to strangers and if they keep trying to talk to him he starts to panic. I really hope you were both ok - really traumatic experience!
Yes, all that stress on top of the original pain! Like you - I would say I can't believe you drove with a broken ankle but something inside just makes us push on through, doesn't it?! Wishing you better very soon x
Hi Penny, my heart broke when I read this. I am also an unpaid carer of a disabled child (my book is with an agent and currently out on submission) and I know so well how precious that bit of time you have in which to cram the whole of your own life is. Also how vulnerable it is to the needs of others, and how it is the first thing that is always sacrificed in service to those needs of others. I never do anything without thinking how it will impact my health, which has a knock on effect on my family. I have to stay healthy and strong for them, and particularly for my disabled child. I really feel for you and wish you a speedy recovery. And wish you well with all your writing projects. 💕
This sounds so incredibly hard, Penny. I'm glad you had some help, but: bloody hell. You are made of very stern stuff indeed.
Grateful for the experiences that have toughen me up but also - kind of wish I didn’t have to be sometimes!
This sounds so hard; wishing you a smooth recovery and easier times very soon x
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I feel for you Penny. My husband broke his ankle badly a couple of years ago and the level of disruption it caused was a huge shock. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for you with your caring responsibilities plus the juggle of self-employment. Wishing you a speedy recovery. (And so excited to see your new book!)
Yep it’s a shock all right!! Crutches are the worst. And having to have it elevated all the time is so disruptive. Hope your husband recovered fully!
So disruptive! Must be super frustrating for you. He’s much better now, thanks. Physio helped a lot.
I can't tell you how much I appreciated this post Penny, and your way of sharing what's tough when so many of us would just retreat with overwhelm. It's a profound generosity. I am glad you have so much love intertwined with so many demands.
Aw Penny, this is tough. I’m 21 years into this working/caring/parenting/self-care juggle, and I feel your pain. I broke my wrist mid-pandemic, when care support was already significantly depleted and I thought I’d never cope. But we did somehow. And it must be so much harder for you, when your mobility is impacted.
I’m also 3 years into a debate with our health funders, trying to impress on them that they need an emergency plan, should anything happen to me, quoting Care Act and all, but to no avail. You and others here articulate these issues so well.
Thinking of you and praying for grace sufficient for the season. x
Sending love to you and yours. You are doing great even if it might not feel that way. Even if great is just good and good means audiobooks and naps. Big hugs.
Just wanted to send you love. How incredibly difficult for you.
“It’s already so hard not to get lost amongst my responsibilities that it can feel utterly terrifying to loose what little headspace and time I have carved out for myself.”
I empathise with this so so much ♥️
I am new to substack and only discovered your podcast a few weeks ago but it is something I look forward to so much in my own little moments of headspace and time, so thank you so much for that. Wishing you a rapid and straightforward recovery.
I am so sorry you are having such a tough time and I hope your ankle recovers quickly. Thank you for sharing this beautifully honest account. As an unpaid mama carer trying to write, your post really resonates. People just don't understand that you can't simply rest when you have a child with additional needs, especially not autism. Change of routine is a massive anxiety trigger of course. Hope things get easier and keep up the good fight x
The routine change is the worst! Not being able to drive is a big one. Our car is sitting out the front unused and he can see it and doesn’t understand why I can’t just get in it and drive 😣
It is so hard. I feel for you. A few years ago I got a virus and developed an allergy to scent. The problem was my daughter wore a lot of perfume each day, especially since being bullied at school and she was so angry with me. It was as though I had done it deliberately 😣
Wrapping you in a virtual hug, Penny. You’re amazing. I really relate to this and you’re not alone in your feelings. Tender was the most incredible thing I’ve ever read, I’ve never felt so seen and understood. Thank you for that gift. Hoping for a super speedy recovery for you 💛
Ahhh thank you for those very kind words ❤️
Your situation is one I hope I never have to deal with - as unpaid carer for 2 autistic children, a blind husband, a
Visually impaired Dad and Mum with Alzheimer’s, I live in dread that something beyond my existing health conditions will happen that causes all the juggling balls to come crashing down.
I’m glad you’re keeping time for yourself to heal but totally appreciate how hard it is not to be able to do the usual routines - for yourself and your children. I wish you a speedy recovery and a return to your normal family routine as soon as possible!
Catherine that’s so much on you! I really hope there are other people around you to step in, in an emergency. Both the a&e doctor and the follow up consultant stressed how much I needed to elevate my foot and that I needed to call my son’s social worker to get support. Social services didn’t really care and begrudgingly offered me a few extra hours of direct payments a week for 6 weeks. So unhelpful.
Unfortunately the professions don’t seem to be interested in helping. Maybe they should try being unpaid caters for a while?...
This is the kind of thing that parent carers dread, wishing you a speedy recovery. And we really need more Fisk episodes.
Do we ever! I was so bloody happy when that second series arrived 😆
Very much feeling for you too, Penny. Thank goodness for Ruairi. Thinking of you all and hope 2024 only goes ‘up’ from this low xx
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Oh I relate to a lot of this - not a broken bone but a very badly damaged ankle when I fell down a couple of stairs at home last year (and a whole day waiting on the sofa for my husband to get home from a long cycling trip so he could take me to hospital..). And then in January, being knocked over from behind on an ice skating rink and nearly passing out after my head bounced off the rink... just me and my 16 year old autistic daughter who can't speak to any strangers there and I had no idea what would happen if I did faint or they carted me off to hospital. I drove home when I probably shouldn't have. Because, as you say, we just have to get on with it. I'm hoping your recovery is quick because I really do understand how much that matters, and I think you're amazing for having been able to carry on with any work at all! x
So so terrifying to be alone with our kids when we get hurt. My son can’t/wont speak to strangers and if they keep trying to talk to him he starts to panic. I really hope you were both ok - really traumatic experience!
Yes, all that stress on top of the original pain! Like you - I would say I can't believe you drove with a broken ankle but something inside just makes us push on through, doesn't it?! Wishing you better very soon x
Sending huge love, I really hope the recovery is as smooth and quick as possible. It sounds so very hard xx
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Hi Penny, my heart broke when I read this. I am also an unpaid carer of a disabled child (my book is with an agent and currently out on submission) and I know so well how precious that bit of time you have in which to cram the whole of your own life is. Also how vulnerable it is to the needs of others, and how it is the first thing that is always sacrificed in service to those needs of others. I never do anything without thinking how it will impact my health, which has a knock on effect on my family. I have to stay healthy and strong for them, and particularly for my disabled child. I really feel for you and wish you a speedy recovery. And wish you well with all your writing projects. 💕
It’s just so terrifying isn’t it? Best of luck with your submission ❤️❤️
Sending as much strength and resilience as I can across this platform. May you have your breathing room back as soon as possible.
Thanks Caroline ❤️