I really felt this on your behalf. This isn’t being an asshole, this is standing up for yourself and your son. Motherhood can make us angrier instead of softer but it’s because there’s something worth fighting for now, and I’m sure you’d have an army of mums behind you on this.
It’s interesting to me, as an older autist, that you trying to suppress your assholery, makes things worse for you (and your child probably), and as you come to accept it you are better able to cope with challenging situations. It mirrors what I feel as an autist. I’ve spent decades trying to suppress my differences, stifle my stims and internalise my meltdowns, to varying degrees of success. In each case, it feels like it’s the judgements of others that cause a lot of the problems we all have to deal with. Take care x.
I love this as mother to a child with 24 hour care needs I get all of this beautifully written and every word resonates I kick against the limits imposed on me personally and my family every single day but it’s exhausting and I have a very small window of tolerance for being sociable I quite like my own company and I think acceptance and self care are actually crucial X thanks for writing it X
Beautifully written and this really resonated. After a particularly bad asshole moment the other day I came to the same freeing realisation - that I could own it! And do so without looking for external validation or reassurance that being an asshole in that moment was reasonable or justified. I just... Was an asshole and not a good girl/mother in that moment (and many moments!) and that is perfectly OK. I don't need to guilt trip myself about more stuff... Thank you for your words, Penny! X
Brilliantly written Penny and I can so relate to some aspects of this. While I don't have a kid with a disability I have definitely noticed my asshole attributes since being a mother! I also think it is so powerful what you said about accepting that part of you and being 'a little less ashamed' this is so potent and something I needed to read, I am practicing this with the parts of myself I have felt the need to hide! I find it so refreshing to read about the realities of motherhood for different people as it feels raw and real and much needed, especially where it seems like societal expectations of all mothers are to be self-sacrificing and as you say, even more so when you are the parent to a disabled child. Thanks so much for sharing this.
Yes Penny, here's to being human. I don't have a disabled child but at my most stressed and stretched and exhausted, I've also lost my "nice girl" attributes, giving hard stares to people who make well-meaning but annoying comments or get in our way or are even just trying to be nice. It feels like vital energy conservation and people need to be resilient enough to cope with someone who won't always be smiling and interacting positively with them!
“We are as flawed as every other human on the planet.” This! Exactly this. Thank you for the reminder Penny. I heard somewhere recently that mothers are held up against the image of the patient, holly, self-sacrificing precision of Virgin Mary and it made total sense to me. I had never thought of that, but I think that image permeates the unconscious of western society.
I really felt this on your behalf. This isn’t being an asshole, this is standing up for yourself and your son. Motherhood can make us angrier instead of softer but it’s because there’s something worth fighting for now, and I’m sure you’d have an army of mums behind you on this.
This but also - sometimes I really am just an asshole 😂
Haha fair! I can be a bit of a dick too 🤣
Hear hear! Having to fight for absolutely f**king everything for your disabled child can turn you (me) into an asshole too…
Assholes unite 😆🥰
It’s interesting to me, as an older autist, that you trying to suppress your assholery, makes things worse for you (and your child probably), and as you come to accept it you are better able to cope with challenging situations. It mirrors what I feel as an autist. I’ve spent decades trying to suppress my differences, stifle my stims and internalise my meltdowns, to varying degrees of success. In each case, it feels like it’s the judgements of others that cause a lot of the problems we all have to deal with. Take care x.
Brilliant. Arse-holing along next to you x
100% an asshole too, right there with you x
I love this as mother to a child with 24 hour care needs I get all of this beautifully written and every word resonates I kick against the limits imposed on me personally and my family every single day but it’s exhausting and I have a very small window of tolerance for being sociable I quite like my own company and I think acceptance and self care are actually crucial X thanks for writing it X
Beautifully written and this really resonated. After a particularly bad asshole moment the other day I came to the same freeing realisation - that I could own it! And do so without looking for external validation or reassurance that being an asshole in that moment was reasonable or justified. I just... Was an asshole and not a good girl/mother in that moment (and many moments!) and that is perfectly OK. I don't need to guilt trip myself about more stuff... Thank you for your words, Penny! X
Brilliantly written Penny and I can so relate to some aspects of this. While I don't have a kid with a disability I have definitely noticed my asshole attributes since being a mother! I also think it is so powerful what you said about accepting that part of you and being 'a little less ashamed' this is so potent and something I needed to read, I am practicing this with the parts of myself I have felt the need to hide! I find it so refreshing to read about the realities of motherhood for different people as it feels raw and real and much needed, especially where it seems like societal expectations of all mothers are to be self-sacrificing and as you say, even more so when you are the parent to a disabled child. Thanks so much for sharing this.
Yes Penny, here's to being human. I don't have a disabled child but at my most stressed and stretched and exhausted, I've also lost my "nice girl" attributes, giving hard stares to people who make well-meaning but annoying comments or get in our way or are even just trying to be nice. It feels like vital energy conservation and people need to be resilient enough to cope with someone who won't always be smiling and interacting positively with them!
“We are as flawed as every other human on the planet.” This! Exactly this. Thank you for the reminder Penny. I heard somewhere recently that mothers are held up against the image of the patient, holly, self-sacrificing precision of Virgin Mary and it made total sense to me. I had never thought of that, but I think that image permeates the unconscious of western society.